I’m sorry for my recent absence lately. My cat, Bugg, has been sick, but we didn’t know until this past Saturday morning just how sick she was. I took her to the vet first thing Friday morning because something was definitely off with her; they drew blood for a full blood work panel and in the meantime gave me fluids to give her via subcutaneous injection so she didn’t get dehydrated and special food to tempt her back into eating. (This is only a very quick synopsis, but she had been acting strangely for a while. However, she was still affectionate with all of us, and didn’t complain or seem to be in pain when either petted or picked up, so we figured it was just a bug or something.)
I woke up Saturday morning to my husband telling me that my sweet girl was dead. She hadn’t even made it through the night. The vet called later in the morning to give me the results of Bugg’s labwork; based on the numbers that came back and without any sort of imaging scans to back this up, they’re guessing that she had an advanced form of gastrointestinal cancer that had already spread to most if not all of her major organs. There was nothing we could have done for her at that late stage anyway, except euthanize her; and she died in peace in her sleep, at home, where she was most comfortable and knew she was loved.
I don’t have the words to express how I’m feeling right now, and if I try, I’m going to end up sobbing all over my keyboard and my family has seen me crying enough already when we buried my sweet girl in the back yard. So. I’d like to share some pictures of Bugg. I know that none of you will lover her little black nose and fluffy pillow-ness like I did, but she was a beautiful cat, even if she was a bit of a snot on occasion. And the name, Bugg? It’s short for Buggle Snuddy, which is Snuggle Buddy with the first letters interchanged; and that was exactly what she was. She was my snuggle buddy in every way possible; we called her our ‘Comfort Kitty’ because if any of us were hurting or sick or upset, she was right there, meowing quietly at us as if to reassure us that she was there and she loved us; and if we were lying down and feeling icky, she was curled up at our sides until we were feeling better. She would lay in my hair at night, and would be quite vocal about it if I didn’t first spread my hair out over my pillow for her to lay on. She hogged my pillow and would dig her claws into my scalp if I dared to move; but I loved it because her little black nose was right by my ear every night and I would fall asleep to the sound of her purring. She would wake me up in the morning by laying on my chest and stomach and purring just as loudly as she could, then when I got up, would prance to her food bowl like, “Oh good, you’re awake. Now you can feed me.” She was stubborn and ornery and sweet and occasionally she was a scaredy-cat; but she was my stubborn, ornery, sweet little scaredy-cat and I loved her.
It’s almost a week later, and I’m still crying over this cat. I’ve always thought I would be one of those people who could move on easily when a pet dies; and now I don’t know how I could ever have been so callous as to think that. My sweet girl is gone, and all I want is to have her comforting weight in my lap again so I can tell her goodbye and how much I love her. She will always, always, be in my heart and my memories, and in this way, I know that I will never lose her. But I’m not going to hear her meowing at me anymore when I’m sick, or feel the weight of her on my chest or in my hair at night; and oddly, it’s the little things that I always thought annoyed me that I miss the most about my Bugg.
Please forgive my lack of crafting; my motivation hasn’t been the best. Also, I was nominated for three more awards, and I promise I will get around to them. But I need time to grieve and heal first, and I beg your indulgence while I mourn.