A Recent Lack of Gray

I’m sorry for my recent absence lately.  My cat, Bugg, has been sick, but we didn’t know until this past Saturday morning just how sick she was.  I took her to the vet first thing Friday morning because something was definitely off with her; they drew blood for a full blood work panel and in the meantime gave me fluids to give her via subcutaneous injection so she didn’t get dehydrated and special food to tempt her back into eating.  (This is only a very quick synopsis, but she had been acting strangely for a while.  However, she was still affectionate with all of us, and didn’t complain or seem to be in pain when either petted or picked up, so we figured it was just a bug or something.)

I woke up Saturday morning to my husband telling me that my sweet girl was dead.  She hadn’t even made it through the night.  The vet called later in the morning to give me the results of Bugg’s labwork; based on the numbers that came back and without any sort of imaging scans to back this up, they’re guessing that she had an advanced form of gastrointestinal cancer that had already spread to most if not all of her major organs.  There was nothing we could have done for her at that late stage anyway, except euthanize her; and she died in peace in her sleep, at home, where she was most comfortable and knew she was loved.

I don’t have the words to express how I’m feeling right now, and if I try, I’m going to end up sobbing all over my keyboard and my family has seen me crying enough already when we buried my sweet girl in the back yard.  So.  I’d like to share some pictures of Bugg.  I know that none of you will lover her little black nose and fluffy pillow-ness like I did, but she was a beautiful cat, even if she was a bit of a snot on occasion.  And the name, Bugg?  It’s short for Buggle Snuddy, which is Snuggle Buddy with the first letters interchanged; and that was exactly what she was.  She was my snuggle buddy in every way possible; we called her our ‘Comfort Kitty’ because if any of us were hurting or sick or upset, she was right there, meowing quietly at us as if to reassure us that she was there and she loved us; and if we were lying down and feeling icky, she was curled up at our sides until we were feeling better.  She would lay in my hair at night, and would be quite vocal about it if I didn’t first spread my hair out over my pillow for her to lay on.  She hogged my pillow and would dig her claws into my scalp if I dared to move; but I loved it because her little black nose was right by my ear every night and I would fall asleep to the sound of her purring.  She would wake me up in the morning by laying on my chest and stomach and purring just as loudly as she could, then when I got up, would prance to her food bowl like, “Oh good, you’re awake.  Now you can feed me.”  She was stubborn and ornery and sweet and occasionally she was a scaredy-cat; but she was my stubborn, ornery, sweet little scaredy-cat and I loved her.

It’s almost a week later, and I’m still crying over this cat.  I’ve always thought I would be one of those people who could move on easily when a pet dies; and now I don’t know how I could ever have been so callous as to think that.  My sweet girl is gone, and all I want is to have her comforting weight in my lap again so I can tell her goodbye and how much I love her.  She will always, always, be in my heart and my memories, and in this way, I know that I will never lose her.  But I’m not going to hear her meowing at me anymore when I’m sick, or feel the weight of her on my chest or in my hair at night; and oddly, it’s the little things that I always thought annoyed me that I miss the most about my Bugg.

Bugg as a kitten with her toy cat

Bug as a kitten, sleeping in my lap


Bugg was the only cat I’ve ever known who would happily sleep on her back and roll over for belly rubs

Bugg LOVED to sleep in the sinks. Or in boxes or bags or any other small space she could cram herself into and still be close to us.



“Leave me alone, mom. I are sleepin’.”


See what I mean about that cute black nose?

Please forgive my lack of crafting; my motivation hasn’t been the best.  Also, I was nominated for three more awards, and I promise I will get around to them.  But I need time to grieve and heal first, and I beg your indulgence while I mourn.


15 comments on “A Recent Lack of Gray

  1. Beate says:

    I am very sorry about the loss of your cat. But I think if you blog about it, it will help you grief. She sure was pretty and a real cutie. I pray you will overcome. Our Zipporah ( born on Passover)- Zippy for short, is 18 years old and has dementia or something similar that cats have. She stays close to the house, like 2 feet away, and never ventures anywhere. She hates it inside the house, because of the other 2 cats, but sometimes she wants to go into the basement, where it is dark and cool. I am afraid we will loose her sometime soon also. I just hope it will have natural causes and not that we have to decide to put her to sleep, because she is suffering so.
    I be thinking and praying for you.

    • Gray says:

      I’m sorry it has taken me so long to respond to your kind comment. I hope your Zippy has been doing well and is still with you, and thank you so much for taking the time to leave such a wonderful message.

      • Beate says:

        Zippy is hanging in. My husband says as look as she eats and … he will not put her to sleep.
        I myself have made a wordpress . org website and hardly understand how to combine this one and the other one, so I am not here much either.
        I wish I could learn faster with less effort.
        Happy new year!

  2. *Wisher* says:

    I’m sorry to hear about the loss of Bugg… 😦
    I hope to see you online soon.. Take care Gray.. 🙂

  3. TrulyJaded says:

    Oh she is beautiful!
    I’m so sorry she’s gone but I’m glad she was at home with you guys safe and loved. Xxx

    • Gray says:

      She was a beautiful soul, inside and out, and I loved her dearly. Thank you so much for your kind words. I do apologize for the lateness of my reply.

  4. Shell says:

    What a beautiful baby. I’m so so sorry to see this news. She will still be with you in spirit even while she’s playing at the Rainbow Bridge. Someday you might have a bad day and be curled up in bed, and her spirit will come and touch you and you will know, you will be okay. Bugg knows how much you love her.

    • Gray says:

      You will never know the comfort your comment has brought me over the past few months. I had never heard of the Rainbow Bridge until this, and I had to look it up. What I read brought me to tears, and I’ve been lighting a candle for my sweet Bugg every time I think about her, so she’ll know it’s me and she’ll know how very much I love and miss her. I appreciate this so much, even if my reply is extremely late in coming.

  5. I am so, so sorry for your loss. She looks like she had an incredible life with your family, I hope that in time you can find that comforting. Warm, fuzzy hugs coming at you from the Buckeye State.

    • Gray says:

      I am now at the point where I am able to celebrate the life she had with us instead of mourning her death. I do still miss her, but I know that she was happy, safe, and well-loved, and I do take comfort in that. Thank you so much for your kind thoughts, and I am sorry for the lateness of my reply.

  6. Awe… I’m sorry to hear your sad news. Even so, I’m glad to see you took so many great pics of her along the way! Writing this post will surely help you grieve, too. 😦 Truly, she was a beauty inside and out ❤

    • Gray says:

      Thank you so much. Having such wonderful pictures of my sweet girl has certainly helped to remember the good life she lived, and in so doing, has helped me move past the grief. I appreciate your kindness, and apologize for the lateness of my response.

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